Reflecting on a Roller Coaster of Peacefulness

August 6, 2023

This journey toward leaving my current residence is like riding a roller coaster of emotions. At times, it feels completely surreal. After 54 years of living in a fixed physical structure, the idea of living on the road is foreign.

It’s easy to look at maps, photos, and websites of all the places that I want to visit. When it hits me that I’m about to do it, excitement swells, often followed by a sense of disbelief, and then a little burst of anxiety.

There are so many things that could go wrong. My Jeep or trailer could break down. I could get in an accident. Theft and vandalism. Violent storms. Spotty internet. No place to park and sleep. 

Fortunately, the feeling passes quickly as I remember that these are nothing but thoughts of things that could happen but are unlikely.

The intense push toward getting out the door is oddly comforting. Each of these tasks that I complete, each box loaded, each trip to Goodwill, and each trailer/Jeep project completed move me in the direction that I want to go.

While I know that the last week or so of preparation may feel frantic, I find myself in a very settled place. I’m moving toward my dream. 

The excitement of the journey certainly hits me in waves at times. All those places I will see. All the things I get to experience. All the people I get to meet. All the cool trails I will be hiking.

But, I find myself eager to discover who I will become. I anticipate that this adventure will change me. What does that mean? I really don’t know.

It’s a totally different mode of living. I know things that I look forward to in the coming months, especially an opportunity to rediscover just being.

The last couple of years have felt intense. I’ve become habituated to pushing. I’ve forced myself to focus so heavily on building my business that, at times, I feel I’ve forgotten how to truly relax and recharge. 

It’s been interesting as I’ve worked on the trailer projects. I’ve found myself lost in some of the simple tasks, such as sanding. I’m not thinking about what’s around the corner in life or what has to happen next. I just focus on sanding.  And it hit me that this is one of the things that I am missing – just being in the moment.

I hope this radical shift in my life will bring me back to having more time that is just me existing in the moment.

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